The Opening

So it has been a while since the opening of our "19 Tangents" exhibit, but I still wanted to share. Despite the lack of mention of the second location in any the graduation program or address, we still had a good turnout, as you can see in one of the above images. I was glad to meet some of the new people at the opening, as well as to see everyone enjoying the different types of work. I also included an image of the completed guest book, as I had not shared that before either.

Now graduation has past, the show is almost over, and I'm left figuring on what to do next. From here I plan to take the energy I devoted to school and devote it to my art business instead. Make more art, just keep creating. That's what I plan to always do, profitable or not, just keep creating. It is after all the creative process that I enjoy the most.

Good luck to my fellow students with whom I just graduated. It's been great!

Final Artist Statement

Piecing Myself Back Together

Shock & denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance; according to Dr Kubler-Ross these are the five stages of grief. Given the recent death of a loved one, I have come to know these stages better than I ever hoped. In the beginning, I felt as if I were being torn apart by my emotions. I was reduced to shreds of myself, raw and vulnerable. However, as time passes my grieving has evolved working to sew the pieces together again. Some things have remained the same, some things are changed, but the scars still remain.

This work explores the overwhelming emotions I have felt in the stages of grief. These are not defined stages, but rather an uneasy merging as I have moved from one stage to another and spiraled back again. In the end, this work has created a testament to my current state: I am still grieving, the pieces of me have begun to come together, but I still am not whole. Much work is still to be done.

The Installation Process......

The installation went well. I began with a paper guide to help show me where everything should be . From there I drilled in 10" Wood screws and began to hang the piece. Once it was where it needed to be, the paper guide was removed, and I could see what my piece would look like in the space. It was pretty exciting to see it in it's official place!

Next I needed to help conceal the plain screws. I used a furry type of yarn that wrapped around the screws, hung down and again looped around in various ways. This way even the supports were part of the completed piece. This was the only part I had not pre-tested prior to the install, but I am happy with the way it turned out.

Lastly I needed to do some touch-up stitching and some overall wire shaping. And finally, after what seemed like forever but really was not, my installation was complete. Except of course for my guestbook, which as you can see in one of the above images, is already underway.

A Swirling of Emotions

A swirling of emotions - the stages of greif mix together as one feeds into another and back again.

The stages become blurred and unorganized, emotions run rampant.

Rip, tear and reassemble.....

So I have torn apart the piece, and now have begun the process of reassembling it. Here you can see some images of a few pieces that are being stitched back together the way that they were originally painted - like pieces of a puzzle. For me these pieces are like the parts of me that remain the same after grief, while other pieces will be like the parts of me that are forever changed. Those pieces will be assembled in a way different from the original painting.

I find I am really enjoying manipulating the fabric and varying my stitches to create some tense points, while others are loose and pulling apart. I have felt this way in going through my grief - at times I have felt whole, at others I have felt like I was falling apart.

As I work I have so many ideas on how to work with the fabric - but I'm afraid some of them will have to wait - I don't want this to turn into one big jumbled mess of experiments. In my last post I mentioned the use of metal rings to help show my journey - I will save this for last in-case I deem it unnecessary in the end. i find the existing shapes and textures quite intriguing already. We'll see......

Starting over - but not really.....

So I have started over - sorta, but n ot really. After working with my previous pieces i decided that I really didn't like how seperate the 5 stages were. While I did indeed go through each of the stages in my grieving (and still am), it was never so seperate. In my efforts to take the paintings I had made and merge them into one, I was not at all pleased with the results I was getting. I was getting them to blend together better, but I felt they weren't communicating the way I wanted them to. So, I started over with a vision in my mind of what I really wanted - after discovering what it was I didn't want. I have as a result a more flowing cohesive piece, currently about 9 feet long. The stages are still there and can be seen with the color shifts, but they are not as important as set stages, but rather as they work together to form one continuous image that represents the grieving process as a whole.

I remember in the last crit some people enjoyed the use of safety pins, adnhoped to go somewhere with that. I chose not to use actual saftey pins, but am still adding an extra element of metal rings that can help show some movement and directionality to the piece, as if mapping out my journey. The colors of the rings also mimic the colors of the stages themselves, which i think will help to show a jumping back and forth between the stages, as opposed as moving straight from one to another.

I still plan to use stitching as well, and have played with some possibilities with my old pieces of work. I have some good ideas going on there. I have also tested out a product that is meant for stiffeniong fabric - aptly named "Stiffy". It seems to work rather well.

So while on the outside it seems that I am starting over, I really am not. I have playwed and experimented, nd now I seem to know exactly where I want to go with it all, so progress will be much faster now. I have returned to the very beginning a little, as I am once again using the earlier method of painitng of wrinkled fabric, which I enjoyed immensly. I am also using the new methods as well, as I will still be tearing up the work and reassembling it to tell of my experience with grief. I am also moving forward with more progress, as I add the metal rings and fabric stiffener to give a sense of relief sculpture and lift it from the wall.

The ball is rolling, and from here it will roll much quicker as my direction is quite clear. Wish me luck!

Depression and Anger Torn....

Depression and Anger Torn....

Ok, so 2 more stages have been torn. I think I will begin to play with piecing them together to see what I can come up with for inspiration. I still need to create an acceptance stage, but am holding off as I have recently thought that they all might work together as a form of acceptance. Unsure, we'll see where my thoughts take me as I move forward.

Bargaining (already torn)

Bargaining

(The remains after tearing it up)

Bargaining is the 3rd stage of grief. For me, this was when all of the "What if...." and "If only..." statements started to arise. I represented this stage of my grief by using 2 main colors, red and blue. These two push and pull at each other, mixing in some spots and not others. To me this represents the heart of bargaining- "If only this had happened, then that wouldn't have happened." Like two ends of an equation, or 2 weights teetering on a balance, the red and blues represent both what could have happened, and what did happen.

Falling out of love....

I hate to say it, but as I sat working on my project last night, I discovered how much I have fallen out of love with it. This freaks me out a bit as I want to make something with my heart in it. I very strongly dislike working on things I am not interested in . I began ripping apart the paintings last night to get going on the process of putting them back together, and was not very satisfied. My vision of the completed piece doesn't seem to be in the torn pieces I am getting, but perhaps it is too soon to tell. I do however have no choice but to proceed as it is far too late to venture elsewhere. I just keep worrying that my senior project will be a big flop. I don't want to represent myself with a big belly flop into the creative pool. Arggggghhh.... experiencing my first real discouragment with this thing.

Shock and Denial

Shock & Denial

This is the first stage of grief. I have left the image fairly colorless and light, a denial in itself. I have also worked for a shattered feel, because shock was a shattering experience for me. I could compare it to the splintering of glass - it has been broken into a million pieces, but has not yet fallen apart.

You will of course notice that it is in a typical rectanguler shape - but no worries - this is only temporary. My new plans for moving forward involve creating the 5 stages, then ripping them apart to be sewn back together as one flowing piece. I feel this serves my grieving process better, as it was not certain definite defined stages, but rather a merging of stages, and often going back and forth between them. This changes what the original works looked like, but then grief has very much changed me. The completed work will be a personal statement of my own grieving process, one I'm sure many will be able to relate to.

Piecing Myself Back Together (Revised Artist Statement)

Shock & denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance; according to Dr. Kubler Ross these are the five stages of grief. Given the recent death of a close loved one, I have come to understand these stages better than I would ever care to. When it first happened, it felt as though everything I knew about myself and life had been torn apart, leaving behind nothing but grief. As time went on, I discovered that grieving was a necessary process to begin sewing the pieces back together again. My new work explores my personal connection with the grieving process by reflecting on the thoughts and emotions I experienced along the way. We will all experience the loss of a loved one at some point in our lives. Perhaps by giving a voice to my own grief I can help to let others know that they are not alone. Grief is natural and essential, and you will make it through.

My It's About Statement

It's about grieving.

Work in Progress #2

Depression

The 4th stage of greif is Depression. I know I am going out of order, but I need more thought on the other stages! This is in it's early phases, and will still take more work from here. Atleast it has started!

Anger

This is the piece I have been working on for the 2nd stage of grief: Anger. It is still in progress, but I have been trying to work with the forms, color and marks to create an angry, hostile feeling. There is still more to be done!

New Concept, New Statement

Shock & denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance; according to Dr. Kubler-Ross these are the five stages of grief. At one time or another we all experience grief and can feel each of these stages on some level. Using form, color & mark making, I seek to convey the emotions of each of these five stages through painting. I have chosen to work abstractly, as I think grief itself is an abstract idea. Like many artists before me, I begin with an automatist approach. Painting on wrinkled canvas I create forms that are unpredictable & random, and yet a solid foundation for the finished piece. Colors & forms are then enhanced or diminished to help convey the emotions of that particular stage. Throughout the process I am informed not only by my own experience, but also by other artists such as Lee Krasner, Jean-Paul Riopelle & Helen Frankenthaller.

Entering a World of Uncertainty

Well, I have been continuing the work on my series, and my concept seems to have begun to waver. This whole series has stemmed from a dramatic event in my life that happened only months ago. As I create my work it seems to keep returning to this event, rather than the spontaneity of life in general. This seems to be where my art wants to go, so perhaps I should let it go there. This doesn't entirely match my concept however. I have continued to work the same way, but seem to be dealing with different issues. My latest piece seems to focus more on the experience of tragedy and loss, both in the physical and mental senses. I am worried about changing my concept , but I feel it may need to. I may focus less on spontaneity, and instead focus on grief and loss. It may not be a happy series, but I feel like it needs to go this way. I do know that our ideas will grow and change as we work through the semester, I just hope this is the right direction. This event seems to weigh heavy on my mind, and perhaps it needs to be expressed visually. Any ideas or comments for me? I definitely need some!

Greetings!

This marks the beginning of my senior project blog. For those of you already familiar with my past works, you may be surprised by this new series. Recent events in my life have changed the way I look at everything, including my art, and it will be seen here. Life is unpredictable, sometimes chaotic, and may throw many wrinkles into your plans. The key is to take those wrinkles and still make something beautiful with them. These ideas are what I am exploring in my new series. Stay tuned for more....