Bargaining
(The remains after tearing it up)
Bargaining is the 3rd stage of grief. For me, this was when all of the "What if...." and "If only..." statements started to arise. I represented this stage of my grief by using 2 main colors, red and blue. These two push and pull at each other, mixing in some spots and not others. To me this represents the heart of bargaining- "If only this had happened, then that wouldn't have happened." Like two ends of an equation, or 2 weights teetering on a balance, the red and blues represent both what could have happened, and what did happen.
These pieces look a lot smaller than the other ones. One thought that came to mind while looking at them is what if when sewing them back together you fold some over or overlap when sewing them - even though your pieces are ripped in pretty uniform lines they don't have to be reassembled like that.
ReplyDeleteI love looking at the bits of canvas..how do you feel with it now after feeling like you'd fallen out of love with it?
ReplyDeleteWow, this has so much energy! I love that each piece has its own unique image, tensions, and color balance. Can't wait to see them in person.
ReplyDeleteChristine - no worries, there will be nothing uniform about how they are put back together.
ReplyDeleteCatherine - Unfortunately I have still fallen out of liove wqith the project. I feel perhaps I should have stuck with something that I would have normally done. But then again, i often have a hard time focusing on one thing for a long time anyway, so maybe it's just part of my personality.
I can identify with how you feel about your project. I'm struggling with my own expectations and sparse inspiration myself. But you have moved so far in your process and have made important changes to the body of work. Keep it going.
ReplyDeleteI think that your project could move towards a Mark Bradford-ish work. Do what you do (draw / paint) but add your materials you've invested time into via collage (the ones you did in Drawing III were cool).
ReplyDeleteAlso - Bargaining - you have it right with your verbal examples, but it seems that you only tore / ripped up the canvas pieces. Maybe, it could reflect the "I could have done" or "what if" statements with folds, stitching, taping, glueing, etc. For me, bargaining (when my dad died) was a paralyzing cascade of " If I had only...".
Anyway, just my thoughts.
I want to follow your color streams. Your work makes me think. Inspiration is working both ways. Those words just came to my mind as I am looking for your work:
ReplyDeleteI see
Many flower pedals are floating down a stream.
Eyes are trying to find what is moving them, making them swirl.
What a sadness torn flowers out of stems?
I am looking for answer which possibly lost among them.
Maybe name of the problem would come with a resonant pray, -
That’s depression is pushing your feelings away.
I want to follow your color streams. Your work makes me think. Those words just came to my mind as I am looking for your work:
ReplyDeleteI see
Many flower pedals are floating down a stream.
Eyes are trying to find what is moving them, making them swirl.
What a sadness torn flowers out of stems?
I am looking for answer which possibly lost among them.
Maybe name of the problem would come with a resonant pray, -
That’s depression is pushing your feelings away.